I got a dog, and named him Peeve. Now when i am walking him in the neighborhood, and someone comes up and says, “Aww, who’s this little guy?”, I say, “oh, this is my pet peeve.”

Got thrown out of Home Depot today. I asked if they had ideas for organizing the skeletons in my closet.

I have been taking everything everyone says with a grain of salt. Now my sodium levels are off the charts.

Wonder if it ever happens that the angels are talking about the fallen one, he shows up, and they go, “Speak of the…”